HELP! Someone Is Stealing My Blog Posts

UPDATE: Knucklehead Dro has finally taken down the stolen posts. That don’t mean I’m taking down my post on him anytime soon tho. I know I’m mean, but I’m not mean enough to deny his kids & grandkids the chance to know the fucked up, no good, skeevy content thief angel that their dad is. So, post stays.

You guys, I’m so mad right now.

Some super shitty blog, “Areafather.com” is literally stealing my creativity. I mean, they’re just copying my posts & pasting on their site. I fucking have to come up with the idea for these posts myself, & the fact that some idiot is feeding off my genius is simply horrifying.

I mean, I’ve only been blogging for a month, A MONTH you guys, & someone’s already doing this. I’ve tried, but I just can’t keep blogging with the knowledge that some airhead is stalking my blog, waiting for shit to copy. And so, I’m taking an indefinite hiatus.

I mailed them, they ignored. I’ve already reported them to google & I’m supposed to wait a while for google to block their search visibility. So far, they’ve stolen three of my posts. Here are the links;

Gideon Okeke tries to outdo Flavour, forgets to include a little more
http://areafather.com/mobile/read.php?id=436

AreaMagTalk: Complete Fashion magazine’s Trailblazer issue editor deserves a
high five in the face
http://areafather.com/mobile/read.php?id=475

These are 10 darndest celebrity #FirstTweets ever
http://areafather.com/mobile/read.php?id=474

And in case you were wondering, this site is actually two weeks older than mine. It’s like, if you want me you coulda mailed me or something & I’d consider blogging for you. But no, you’re just gonna be all stupid about it.

I ♥ blogging, but I can’t be my best with these knuckleheads around, so I’ll be MIA for a while. Sayonara

Maheeda’s Kids Strip, Show Her How It’s Really Done

In her continued effort to #getmoneybitch, Maheeda has made genitals turn inside/out with her porn pictures, has made retinas curl by her boring softcore pornos, has made you throw up a barrel of laughs with her music and now she’s transferring her desperation to a whole new set of nollysluts.

Ever since this cumwhore took off her top, panties & brains & posed like a pregnant horse on camera, semi-famous hoes think they can do it too. Case in point: This wtf picture of the razz one tryna remember how to climb a toilet seat in her daughter’s fugliest gown while showing us as much of her coochie as possible. To think TuFace goes down on that. Gross.

A bitch has to get paid, I know, but does everything have to be bum shorts this and bum shorts that? If I want to see an image of something this horrendous, I’ll just google “Fattest Fucking Orangutan. Shit. That’s what normal people do. Oh well, it could be a lot worse. At least she’s not topless.

The expired nollyslut that is Emeka Enyiocha has been on the side of the stage, in the darkness, watching all the spotlights shine on Flavour’s yummy biceps & Gideon’s not so yummy abs, so he’s decided to get a little attention of his own by posing like he’s about to get fucked in shorts that even Cossy Hoejiakor would be ashamed to wear.

And yes, we should all blame this on Maheeda. Before that slut, shit like this rarely went down. Now EVERYONE wants to look a little sexier & show a little something. Apparently, being a couple of dead nollysluts isn’t enough anymore, they all gotta try to be sexy as well. Fuckers. And here’s a picture of the undisputed queen of thirsty hoes looking like a stoned coke addict tryna pull out her tampon.

Gidi Culture TV Review; 3 Reasons You Should Totally Skip It

So there I was stalking Flavour on IG while desperately praying to the gods he releases a sextape ASAP reading my bible, hallelujah somebody! & R sent me a link to some new show, Gidi Culture, & after sitting through this snoozefest, all I can say is I just wasted 34 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back.

First off, 34 minutes. Can someone please tell me why this shitshow went on for 34 minutes? TV shows are usually either 22mins (30 with commercials) or 42 mins ( 60 with ads). So forgive me if I don’t understand why this lasted 34. It just seemed over stretched & unnecessary considering that eight minutes of this were ONE scene in a stupendously boring club. To prove my point I’ll list a couple of unnecessary scenes;

1. That two minute call between Halima & Sebastian, too long & didn’t serve any real purpose. I mean, she coulda texted him.

2. That entire suya joint fuckery. Ugh, two WHOLE minutes of Halima buying suya + some random hoe getting disgraced for eating more than she could afford.

3. That godawful club scene. Cripes! How stupid. Sebastian takes Halima & her not-yet-eighteen brother to a club, dumps her for the same trick that couldn’t afford her suya, She goes off to the bathroom for a phone call scene that had no impact whatsoever, while her bro sits texting. Who the fuck texts at a club??? Then she comes back, is rude to Kazeem, then chats him up. Lawd! Why???

4. Did I mention the three second Burna Boy club cameo? No? Probably cuz it was as pointless as most of the show.

5. Did we really need to see the airport scene twice? Really??

Second, that whole Halima bonding with her half-brother scene. Dear Producers, I do not know where y’all are from, but here,in the NORMAL human world, it takes more than FIVE minutes to bond with a half-brother you’ve never met. It’s like one minute she’s asking him “Who are you?” in a condescending tone & the next minute they’re suya besties & she’s inviting him clubbing. I’ve had suya a jillion times, NEVER has it made me bond with an absolute stranger. So, nice try you guys, but NO, I’m not buying it.

Third, I just gotta point this out. That dude who lifts her luggage at the airport, watches her car at the club & gets chased by the police is in my opinion, the reason why this show is the mess that it is. TV pilots are supposed to introduce the characters & give us an idea of who they are. Who is this nigga??? And why did he take up a total seven minutes of the show? I’m starting to wonder who this show is truly about, Halima or this dude whose name I do NOT wanna know. If he’s in no way related to Halima, at some point he’s gonna have to quit showing up everywhere she goes. Y’all need to make up your minds & cut down on the crappy unnecessary scenes.

In all, this comes off as a terribly misguided ad campaign for Toni Tones (Halima), & not for her acting which I find a little interesting, or her yawn-inducing music, which was continually shoved down our throats the entire 34 minutes, but for her undeniably hot bod. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the centre of the show, I mean,it’s ALL the guys ever talk about.

Work on it, guys! Or shut this shit down for good.

And since we’re doing a tv post, I might as well list all the upcoming shows I’m crazy about. I’d list Nigerian shows, but we don’t ever get any teasers, trailers or info in advance, we just wake up one day to find the pilot episodes on blogs. Anyway, I think GIDI UP season two should be here soon, with that questionable upcoming DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES remake Ebony Life’s producing. Oh, & there’s that THE ISLAND shitshow that was supposed to premiere last year.

Now to the shows I’m actually excited for;
April 6 : Game Of Thrones season four!!! Oh Lawd!
April 15: Awkward season four! I love me some Sadie Saxton
April 19: Orphan Black season two! Its about clones, you guys, CLONES! & Tatiana Maslany is one of the best actresses I’ve ever seen.
April 20: Devious Maids season two! Everything we loved about Desperate Housewives & so much more.

And there’s also the maybe pregnant Damilola Adegbite & Ms. Croaky’s weddings to look forward to.

Ugh, can March be over already?

Thank You Cameroon, But It’s Time For You To Come Get Dencia

Not pictured: The 100 ice packs and 50 ice blocks that were needed to make sure the studio & everyone in it didn’t overheat & implode from being in such close proximity to the White Witch Of The East.

In case you needed further proof that she thinks with her implants, the ratchet ass used tampon that is Dementia went on Channel 4, UK to whore out her Shitilicious concoction. And all I can say is, thank God she’s not in Nigeria, even if only for a few days.

Now that she’s gone, I think its time for us to collectively petition Cameroon to come drag this hoe home. What I really wanna know is why this trick continually refers to herself as Nigerian. Bitch, you’re a fucking Cameroonian (although you’re ALWAYS here), we DON’T want you, your Shitilicious or your empty brain. I could give a thousand reasons why someone needs to drag this trick by her weave all the way back to Cameroon, but I’ll just give ONE. That song is the single most autotuned mess I’ve heard in all my life, & this is coming from someone who sat through the whole of Ms. Croaky’s “Once Upon A Snore” album.

If you’ve not yet seen the video, I really don’t think you should bother. It’s just seven minutes of her redefining the word “dumb”. From the confused accent, to the fugly jumpsuit, tacky weave & shades, all I can get is that Dementia obviously needs to fall of a cliff & disappear permanently. Someone please say a prayer.

This Picture Is The Reason Why Tania Omotayo Dumped Wizkid

Now, I cannot confirm the rumours are true, but we can all assume they are cuz the picture below is all the evidence we need. Who woulda thought Tania would dump Wizzy over Davido? I’m as shocked as you are, I mean, he’s taller, hotter & just makes more sense, but if Shortstuff makes her happy, good for her. Here you go, ENJOY.

Gotcha! LOL

RIP To The True Stars Of Nollywood

Its a sad day in nollywood for two of the purest, most holy, pristine souls to ever grace our tv screens are waving us goodbye. In news that’ll probably ruin your day, the delicate, exquisitely cut diamond that is Afrocandy is uprooting her implants.

I always had high hopes for Afro’s stripping career. I wanted her to show Maheeda, Dementia, Cossy Hoejiakor & all others that any dumb ass trick could climb up the ladder of stupidity and claim that crown. She was supposed to stay married to them implants until death did them part & keep shitting out half-assed boring as fuck pornos.

But sadly, that’s not going to happen, because this shit stain & her boobies are done. She farted out the following words to Saturday Tribune
“I have been having back pain lately, and when I went to my doctor for that, he said I was carrying load on my chest; that’s what’s causing it. Also, I can’t jog, run, jump rope or dance as I would like to without being conscious of the bouncing boobies. So, I wanna be able to do all that and be pain-free.”

Take a good look guys, for we may never see Afro’s magnificent pair of titties again. Someone hand me a tissue & let me sob for the rest of the day. My life is over!

D’banj Is Officially Over His Career

Okay guys, c’mon. What’s up with D’banj and what can we do to help? Because the way it looks now, he’s going down the very fast lane to obscurity & he officially needs to get it together.

I’m really obsessed with D’banj, I mean what’s not to like? He’s cute, tall, funny, sexy + he’s been bragging about his Koko for years. Side note: for all the years of sexual imagery, it’d better be a massive package. I’m talking nepa pole massive.

As much as I want like him, we’ve all known his career has been dead for a while now, which may or may not be due to his split from Don Jazzy. The last D’banj hit I can recall is Oliver Twist, 2010, and as if to assure us that he’s totally done with music, he’s unveiled his Koko Garri. I know I speak for a majority of women when I say that the only way I’m getting that is if I got word that eating it would give me his babies. Otherwise, I’ll pass.

This is the part where I’d usually say that I hope his girlfriend can fix him, but considering that Genevieve hasn’t done anything noteworthy since IJE,2010 either, I guess we’ll just have to sit & watch them both slowly disintegrate.