So there I was
stalking Flavour on IG while desperately praying to the gods he releases a sextape ASAP reading my bible, hallelujah somebody! & R sent me a link to some new show, Gidi Culture, & after sitting through this snoozefest, all I can say is I just wasted 34 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back.
First off, 34 minutes. Can someone please tell me why this shitshow went on for 34 minutes? TV shows are usually either 22mins (30 with commercials) or 42 mins ( 60 with ads). So forgive me if I don’t understand why this lasted 34. It just seemed over stretched & unnecessary considering that eight minutes of this were ONE scene in a stupendously boring club. To prove my point I’ll list a couple of unnecessary scenes;
1. That two minute call between Halima & Sebastian, too long & didn’t serve any real purpose. I mean, she coulda texted him.
2. That entire suya joint fuckery. Ugh, two WHOLE minutes of Halima buying suya + some random hoe getting disgraced for eating more than she could afford.
3. That godawful club scene. Cripes! How stupid. Sebastian takes Halima & her not-yet-eighteen brother to a club, dumps her for the same trick that couldn’t afford her suya, She goes off to the bathroom for a phone call scene that had no impact whatsoever, while her bro sits texting. Who the fuck texts at a club??? Then she comes back, is rude to Kazeem, then chats him up. Lawd! Why???
4. Did I mention the three second Burna Boy club cameo? No? Probably cuz it was as pointless as most of the show.
5. Did we really need to see the airport scene twice? Really??
Second, that whole Halima bonding with her half-brother scene. Dear Producers, I do not know where y’all are from, but here,in the NORMAL human world, it takes more than FIVE minutes to bond with a half-brother you’ve never met. It’s like one minute she’s asking him “Who are you?” in a condescending tone & the next minute they’re suya besties & she’s inviting him clubbing. I’ve had suya a jillion times, NEVER has it made me bond with an absolute stranger. So, nice try you guys, but NO, I’m not buying it.
Third, I just gotta point this out. That dude who lifts her luggage at the airport, watches her car at the club & gets chased by the police is in my opinion, the reason why this show is the mess that it is. TV pilots are supposed to introduce the characters & give us an idea of who they are. Who is this nigga??? And why did he take up a total seven minutes of the show? I’m starting to wonder who this show is truly about, Halima or this dude whose name I do NOT wanna know. If he’s in no way related to Halima, at some point he’s gonna have to quit showing up everywhere she goes. Y’all need to make up your minds & cut down on the crappy unnecessary scenes.
In all, this comes off as a terribly misguided ad campaign for Toni Tones (Halima), & not for her acting which I find a little interesting, or her yawn-inducing music, which was continually shoved down our throats the entire 34 minutes, but for her undeniably hot bod. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the centre of the show, I mean,it’s ALL the guys ever talk about.
Work on it, guys! Or shut this shit down for good.
And since we’re doing a tv post, I might as well list all the upcoming shows I’m crazy about. I’d list Nigerian shows, but we don’t ever get any teasers, trailers or info in advance, we just wake up one day to find the pilot episodes on blogs. Anyway, I think GIDI UP season two should be here soon, with that questionable upcoming DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES remake Ebony Life’s producing. Oh, & there’s that THE ISLAND shitshow that was supposed to premiere last year.
Now to the shows I’m actually excited for;
April 6 : Game Of Thrones season four!!! Oh Lawd!
April 15: Awkward season four! I love me some Sadie Saxton
April 19: Orphan Black season two! Its about clones, you guys, CLONES! & Tatiana Maslany is one of the best actresses I’ve ever seen.
April 20: Devious Maids season two! Everything we loved about Desperate Housewives & so much more.
Ugh, can March be over already?