Gidi Up Season Two Episode Seven Review; Rape, Sextapes And Bubble Butts

Ladies! You should remove the tip of your tongue from your screen now. Your co-workers are staring. Actually, fuck ‘em, don’t let them keep your tongue from “the Obi’s” ass. It’s heavenly. Is he wearing push-up panties, because his ass is so high that it looks like it’s worshiping the gods. No wonder Illa wants to surgically attach her tongue to his body. Excuse me while I text Ireti Doyle with, “I HATE YOU I HATE I HATE YOU,” cuz she gets to tap that ass & I don’t 😦

Von & Meka are super weird around each other & so help me, if Sharon doesn’t figure out Meka’s gross, cringe-worthy lust for Von soon, I’ll tie that ditz down & pound her repeatedly with a pestle, until it sinks in. Dumbfuck. Obi, his boss/pimp/manager (that trick with the bum bitch IJGB accent) & some dude try to fix the date gone wrong scandal from last week.

In case y’all didn’t already know, Tok’s will NOT make his Beta Testing deadline cuz all he does now is mope around, act sad & grumble. Cripes. How long till Eki dies? That hussy is depressing not just me, but every other character.

A very funny thing happens next. So Obi’s cruising around town in the SUV Illa got him & comes across some trick with a broke-down ride waiting for her mechanic. Remember HBIC from episode 1? Yup, the same trick. He offers a ride, she refuses. He’s about to drive off & turns on the A.C, she screams Wait!, gets in, they go to some restaurant & talk & then Maddy manages to sum up my feelings about Gidi Up in one sentence.

“Everytime I see it on TV, I’m like, Ugh. Pffft. Shoot me already”

& I could not agree more.

Sharon & Von argue over clientele. Meka supports Von, DUH, Sharon leaves. Von offers Meka her pussy pizza, the gentleman declines, she begs him to eat her pussy pizza, he tastes it, she asks a few silly questions, they fight, she grabs him, they make out & Damn! It’s exactly as I imagined. GROSS. & OMG you guys, all I hear is squeak, squeak, squeak. Are two adults kissing or did someone let loose a jillion mice?? Eww. If that’s what kisses sound like, the rest of us have been doing it wrong our entire lives.

Monye (Makida Moka) & some trollop who’s name I can’t be bothered with attend a party, get drugged & Holy Crap! Makida Moka acting high is the worst thing I’ve seen in my entire fucking life, & just so you know, I sat through all 03:32 mins of Ms. Croaky’s Wanted Video, but this beats it hands down. Actually, make that second worst, there is absolutely nothing worse than this. You’re welcome.

Obi shows up, carries her to the car, goes back for the trollop-who’s-name-I-can’t-be-bothered-with & well, it seems she’s on her way to becoming the next Kim Fartrashian. Bitch got gang raped + videotaped. Oopsie.

Hmmm. This is tricky. On one hand, I’m obviously against rape, but on the other hand, y’all know I’ve been wanting a Nollywood sextape since forever + I feel any cunt who says shit like “I don’t mean to sound shallow, but, like he drives a Range Rover”( hunty, u ain’t shallow, you’re empty) deserves to get flogged; with a whip, dick, pestle, ion really care, long as she gets punished. So, it is what it is.

Eki? I did NOT see Negative Nancy in this episode. Simply skipped every scene IT was in, & now that this is over, I’d like to officially invite y’all to join me in imagining what it’d be like to be the beads of sweat on Flavour’s nuts run around topless in the sun, playing with that lovely dog.

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