All posts by lindanotikeji

Voodoo Queen

Gidi Up Season Two Episode Two Review; Is It Over Yet?

In case you missed it, Gidi Up is back. I already wasn’t expecting to ever see another episode as long as I live, unless I got bored, googled Boring-est TV Shows Ever & somehow lost my way. But I still figured it would be a one-episode thing and they would shut it down. How wrong I was.

Milf extraordinaire, Ireti Doyle finds Obi’s body then verbally smacks down everyone at some silly hospital in the first two minutes for demanding a N700,000 deposit to treat him. Tokunbo, Eki & Yvonne spend the morning pooping, talking & pooping some more.

Next, we see Makida Moka & some hussy two robots buy smoothies & find a blog post about Obi’s accident. I’m pretty sure two humanichs would be better actors. Those two trollops were so mechanic & robotic. Damn! And I read somewhere the entire cast got acting lessons pre-shoot. LOL. From who? The Fartrashians?

Over the next four minutes, we learn Obi’s in a coma. Duh. Toks, Eki & Von sob at the hospital. Obi’s annoying-as-fuck manager/pimp?? Shows up too. SIDE NOTE; I still don’t know who this trick is. Hell, even Toks, Eki & Von don’t; but if I hear that bum bitch IJGB faux British accent one more time…

JOKE SILVA you guys! Joke FRIGGING Silva makes a guest appearance as Tokunbo’s mum for lunch & serves up some typical concerned yoruba mom awesomeness. Her facial expressions are ALWAYS to die for. She brings up Tok’s dad & lunch goes downhill faster than Dementia’s music career.

Sharon takes Von out to tea, they talk about Folarin, again. Ugh. OMG, you guys, the BACKGROUND NOISE at this café is epic. You can basically hear other voices. Wtf? and the incessant clanking of plates. Why?? She proposes a partnership to revive Von’s fashion label; which I totally forgot she had since she hasn’t done ANYTHING AT ALL this season, even though she knows Von fucked her dad. Eww.

Back at the hospital, Eki’s throwing up, tells Von she thinks it’s malaria & that she’s been to the hospital three times that morning.

Let me stop you right there hunty! You have NOT been to “the hospital” three times this morning. Bitch yo ass been at the hospital ALL DAY in Obi’s room! Who wrote these lines??? So, unless you tryna say you got a twin sitting in for you, you craaazy sista.

Von says it could be typhoid & duh bitches, ion need a genie to tell me she’s pregnant. Its just too easy.

Finally, the three muska-tears meet up in the hospital passage, head to Obi’s room to find a doctor & two unnecessarily rude nurses tryna revive him? Apparently, nigga mighta died while they were out getting tea, lunch & puking. What A+mazing friends!

You guys, the true STAR of this episode is the hospital receptionist who obviously shares my opinion of this entire fuckery.

Gidi Up Season Two Episode One Review; Why Are You Pulling Our Dicks?

Bitches, I’m Baaack! 😀

It took all the discipline in the world to not blog about that video of Tiwa tryna be sexier than a possessed Kangaroo on steroids! Lawd! You don’t blog for 3 months & the craziest shit happens. Gidi Up is back now & while I can’t promise ill be blogging regularly again, ill be reviewing every episode of this fuckery I see. Buckle up, we going in.

You guys, after 27 minutes on its season premiere, I’m not yet sure how I feel about this joke season. Before I get into this, I just wanna make sure y’all are already thinking of excuses in advance, cuz it’s gonna be pretty hard to defend the show runners when I tell you what they’ve done.

I was gonna add a link to the first season for those who missed it, but considering that almost EVERY actor from season one has been recast, that’s pointless. I mean, I saw & loved season one, but I still can’t make shit of this new season, so we all in the same boat. You’d think that after a 14month hiatus & major actor replacements, anyone with half a brain would send out a press release explaining the changes & introducing the newbies, but no, we just get a whole new show with a lotta questionable new actors in roles I’m not exactly sure make sense.

I’m like, I’m just here cuz I got 30mins to blow & I kinda like your show, but then you switch up shit & expect me to spend the time tryna figure out who’s replacing who? #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat

On the first ep of this snoozefest, Obi’s still broke, Yvonne’s still broke too. So, what do you do when you’re broke? Move in with a friend who’s not broke & discuss your joint “brokeness” over cereal in a scene in which there’s so much background noise in a dining room??? that I’m pretty sure my eardrums exploded. Wtf you guys? Tokunbo’s tryna run Techserve, his startup company & Eki’s gone from the focused photographer of last season to just some chick in love. Way to go guys, is this the character growth you promised??

We get a flashback to a scene of Yvonne at the police station with a detective who’s so hot for her I’m shocked his dick didn’t fall off & try to climb up her vagina. EWW. There she warns Folarin to leave her alone for good or she’ll kill him. LOL. Bitch, he beat you like a cow last season, he can still do that again. Stfu already. Obviously, I’m not encouraging violence , but Somkele Iyamah looked more awkward in that scene than Seyi Shay ever has, & that’s saying something cuz that hussy looks awkward 101% of the time.

Obi goes to see his manager?boss?owner? What is that trick supposed to be? to ask for upfront pay on his TV deal which he doesn’t get,duh!, tries to chat up a hot chick in the lobby & she’s a total HBIC & dismisses him. Then, everyone’s at an all-white dinner some dude’s throwing for Tokunbo. Eki tells Yvonne she thinks Tok’s is the one, he tells Obi, it’s just a fling, I DOZE OFF.

Dinner’s over, Obi’s driving home, his loan shark’s touts overtake & fuck him up so bad he’s left half dead on the road. Its FINALLY over, I’m FREE!

On the plus side, O.C Ukeje & Deyemi Okanlawon are together again! (yep, I saw Knock Knock too, I know, I’ve got waaay to much free time) which is always good TV. Oh, & rhinocopotamous mannequin, Toolz has a 15sec cameo as someone or a statue, I’m not sure.

I’d sum up the episode in one word, but I truly can’t think of an awful enough word, so, ill just let this dude’s facial expression do that for me.

Side note to all em thirsty hoes looking for blog posts to steal, if you use this, you better link this blog to your post & state your source CLEARLY. Just ask my runaway boo, Dro.

Is SoundCity’s Dro Ameh Guilty Of Journalistic Fraud?

Wait…so you’re telling me Dro Ameh is a phony faker? Colour me a shit-shade of not surprised! Considering he & something called a Kelvin Luciano once faked AN ENTIRE ASA ALBUM! How do you even do that?

I guess his twitter bio is a shitload of bullshit then. Content develper? Ha! More like content thief. Yep, you guessed it, Dro Ameh is the twant behind, He stole not one, but THREE OF MY BLOG POSTS, reproduced them on his without permission & refused to take ’em down.

This “It” works at Soundcity/ SpiceTv owned by Consolidated Media Associates, is 35 years old (I know guys, a 35 year old nutjob, he prolly gon die stupid), is obsessed with some trick named Moet Abebe, lives on Bishop Aboyade Close, VI (I think) & might have the UGLIEST DICK I’ve ever seen. STOP! If you didn’t click that link, go back! Trust me, you NEED 2 see this dick. LOL. The things I find on the internet.

What I find rather shocking is that this same douche contacted me about blogging for it a few weeks before it decided to just steal my shit & just cuz I’m a really nice person, I’m also gonna drop its emails –, & mobile no. 08063822578. Do whatever you like with them, guys.

Now Dro honey, I know you’re reading this, so next time, before you steal, ya might wanna try not to leave so much info on the web about you. Finding you was super easy. Or um, you could also just ask for permission? But I guess that’d be too much for your Shitilicious brain to handle.

One more thing, if you’re a blogger feel free to copy n reblog ONLY this post as many times as you can or it might just steal from YOUR BLOG next. I should return to blogging now that I’ve caught the numbskull, but I’m loving me some “me time”. I mean, I’ve missed my spa days n tv series so much! But I’ll be blogging regularly soon cuz um, where else are y’all gonna learn about fucked up TV shows, photoshop disasters, & Genevieve Nnaji’s disastrous life choices if not here?

I know guys, I’m pretty awesome. LOL. I’m kidding. ♥ u guys too.

HELP! Someone Is Stealing My Blog Posts

UPDATE: Knucklehead Dro has finally taken down the stolen posts. That don’t mean I’m taking down my post on him anytime soon tho. I know I’m mean, but I’m not mean enough to deny his kids & grandkids the chance to know the fucked up, no good, skeevy content thief angel that their dad is. So, post stays.

You guys, I’m so mad right now.

Some super shitty blog, “” is literally stealing my creativity. I mean, they’re just copying my posts & pasting on their site. I fucking have to come up with the idea for these posts myself, & the fact that some idiot is feeding off my genius is simply horrifying.

I mean, I’ve only been blogging for a month, A MONTH you guys, & someone’s already doing this. I’ve tried, but I just can’t keep blogging with the knowledge that some airhead is stalking my blog, waiting for shit to copy. And so, I’m taking an indefinite hiatus.

I mailed them, they ignored. I’ve already reported them to google & I’m supposed to wait a while for google to block their search visibility. So far, they’ve stolen three of my posts. Here are the links;

Gideon Okeke tries to outdo Flavour, forgets to include a little more

AreaMagTalk: Complete Fashion magazine’s Trailblazer issue editor deserves a
high five in the face

These are 10 darndest celebrity #FirstTweets ever

And in case you were wondering, this site is actually two weeks older than mine. It’s like, if you want me you coulda mailed me or something & I’d consider blogging for you. But no, you’re just gonna be all stupid about it.

I ♥ blogging, but I can’t be my best with these knuckleheads around, so I’ll be MIA for a while. Sayonara

Maheeda’s Kids Strip, Show Her How It’s Really Done

In her continued effort to #getmoneybitch, Maheeda has made genitals turn inside/out with her porn pictures, has made retinas curl by her boring softcore pornos, has made you throw up a barrel of laughs with her music and now she’s transferring her desperation to a whole new set of nollysluts.

Ever since this cumwhore took off her top, panties & brains & posed like a pregnant horse on camera, semi-famous hoes think they can do it too. Case in point: This wtf picture of the razz one tryna remember how to climb a toilet seat in her daughter’s fugliest gown while showing us as much of her coochie as possible. To think TuFace goes down on that. Gross.

A bitch has to get paid, I know, but does everything have to be bum shorts this and bum shorts that? If I want to see an image of something this horrendous, I’ll just google “Fattest Fucking Orangutan. Shit. That’s what normal people do. Oh well, it could be a lot worse. At least she’s not topless.

The expired nollyslut that is Emeka Enyiocha has been on the side of the stage, in the darkness, watching all the spotlights shine on Flavour’s yummy biceps & Gideon’s not so yummy abs, so he’s decided to get a little attention of his own by posing like he’s about to get fucked in shorts that even Cossy Hoejiakor would be ashamed to wear.

And yes, we should all blame this on Maheeda. Before that slut, shit like this rarely went down. Now EVERYONE wants to look a little sexier & show a little something. Apparently, being a couple of dead nollysluts isn’t enough anymore, they all gotta try to be sexy as well. Fuckers. And here’s a picture of the undisputed queen of thirsty hoes looking like a stoned coke addict tryna pull out her tampon.

Gidi Culture TV Review; 3 Reasons You Should Totally Skip It

So there I was stalking Flavour on IG while desperately praying to the gods he releases a sextape ASAP reading my bible, hallelujah somebody! & R sent me a link to some new show, Gidi Culture, & after sitting through this snoozefest, all I can say is I just wasted 34 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back.

First off, 34 minutes. Can someone please tell me why this shitshow went on for 34 minutes? TV shows are usually either 22mins (30 with commercials) or 42 mins ( 60 with ads). So forgive me if I don’t understand why this lasted 34. It just seemed over stretched & unnecessary considering that eight minutes of this were ONE scene in a stupendously boring club. To prove my point I’ll list a couple of unnecessary scenes;

1. That two minute call between Halima & Sebastian, too long & didn’t serve any real purpose. I mean, she coulda texted him.

2. That entire suya joint fuckery. Ugh, two WHOLE minutes of Halima buying suya + some random hoe getting disgraced for eating more than she could afford.

3. That godawful club scene. Cripes! How stupid. Sebastian takes Halima & her not-yet-eighteen brother to a club, dumps her for the same trick that couldn’t afford her suya, She goes off to the bathroom for a phone call scene that had no impact whatsoever, while her bro sits texting. Who the fuck texts at a club??? Then she comes back, is rude to Kazeem, then chats him up. Lawd! Why???

4. Did I mention the three second Burna Boy club cameo? No? Probably cuz it was as pointless as most of the show.

5. Did we really need to see the airport scene twice? Really??

Second, that whole Halima bonding with her half-brother scene. Dear Producers, I do not know where y’all are from, but here,in the NORMAL human world, it takes more than FIVE minutes to bond with a half-brother you’ve never met. It’s like one minute she’s asking him “Who are you?” in a condescending tone & the next minute they’re suya besties & she’s inviting him clubbing. I’ve had suya a jillion times, NEVER has it made me bond with an absolute stranger. So, nice try you guys, but NO, I’m not buying it.

Third, I just gotta point this out. That dude who lifts her luggage at the airport, watches her car at the club & gets chased by the police is in my opinion, the reason why this show is the mess that it is. TV pilots are supposed to introduce the characters & give us an idea of who they are. Who is this nigga??? And why did he take up a total seven minutes of the show? I’m starting to wonder who this show is truly about, Halima or this dude whose name I do NOT wanna know. If he’s in no way related to Halima, at some point he’s gonna have to quit showing up everywhere she goes. Y’all need to make up your minds & cut down on the crappy unnecessary scenes.

In all, this comes off as a terribly misguided ad campaign for Toni Tones (Halima), & not for her acting which I find a little interesting, or her yawn-inducing music, which was continually shoved down our throats the entire 34 minutes, but for her undeniably hot bod. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the centre of the show, I mean,it’s ALL the guys ever talk about.

Work on it, guys! Or shut this shit down for good.

And since we’re doing a tv post, I might as well list all the upcoming shows I’m crazy about. I’d list Nigerian shows, but we don’t ever get any teasers, trailers or info in advance, we just wake up one day to find the pilot episodes on blogs. Anyway, I think GIDI UP season two should be here soon, with that questionable upcoming DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES remake Ebony Life’s producing. Oh, & there’s that THE ISLAND shitshow that was supposed to premiere last year.

Now to the shows I’m actually excited for;
April 6 : Game Of Thrones season four!!! Oh Lawd!
April 15: Awkward season four! I love me some Sadie Saxton
April 19: Orphan Black season two! Its about clones, you guys, CLONES! & Tatiana Maslany is one of the best actresses I’ve ever seen.
April 20: Devious Maids season two! Everything we loved about Desperate Housewives & so much more.

And there’s also the maybe pregnant Damilola Adegbite & Ms. Croaky’s weddings to look forward to.

Ugh, can March be over already?

Thank You Cameroon, But It’s Time For You To Come Get Dencia

Not pictured: The 100 ice packs and 50 ice blocks that were needed to make sure the studio & everyone in it didn’t overheat & implode from being in such close proximity to the White Witch Of The East.

In case you needed further proof that she thinks with her implants, the ratchet ass used tampon that is Dementia went on Channel 4, UK to whore out her Shitilicious concoction. And all I can say is, thank God she’s not in Nigeria, even if only for a few days.

Now that she’s gone, I think its time for us to collectively petition Cameroon to come drag this hoe home. What I really wanna know is why this trick continually refers to herself as Nigerian. Bitch, you’re a fucking Cameroonian (although you’re ALWAYS here), we DON’T want you, your Shitilicious or your empty brain. I could give a thousand reasons why someone needs to drag this trick by her weave all the way back to Cameroon, but I’ll just give ONE. That song is the single most autotuned mess I’ve heard in all my life, & this is coming from someone who sat through the whole of Ms. Croaky’s “Once Upon A Snore” album.

If you’ve not yet seen the video, I really don’t think you should bother. It’s just seven minutes of her redefining the word “dumb”. From the confused accent, to the fugly jumpsuit, tacky weave & shades, all I can get is that Dementia obviously needs to fall of a cliff & disappear permanently. Someone please say a prayer.