Tag Archives: frogs

Thank You Cameroon, But It’s Time For You To Come Get Dencia

Not pictured: The 100 ice packs and 50 ice blocks that were needed to make sure the studio & everyone in it didn’t overheat & implode from being in such close proximity to the White Witch Of The East.

In case you needed further proof that she thinks with her implants, the ratchet ass used tampon that is Dementia went on Channel 4, UK to whore out her Shitilicious concoction. And all I can say is, thank God she’s not in Nigeria, even if only for a few days.

Now that she’s gone, I think its time for us to collectively petition Cameroon to come drag this hoe home. What I really wanna know is why this trick continually refers to herself as Nigerian. Bitch, you’re a fucking Cameroonian (although you’re ALWAYS here), we DON’T want you, your Shitilicious or your empty brain. I could give a thousand reasons why someone needs to drag this trick by her weave all the way back to Cameroon, but I’ll just give ONE. That song is the single most autotuned mess I’ve heard in all my life, & this is coming from someone who sat through the whole of Ms. Croaky’s “Once Upon A Snore” album.

If you’ve not yet seen the video, I really don’t think you should bother. It’s just seven minutes of her redefining the word “dumb”. From the confused accent, to the fugly jumpsuit, tacky weave & shades, all I can get is that Dementia obviously needs to fall of a cliff & disappear permanently. Someone please say a prayer.

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This Picture Is The Reason Why Tania Omotayo Dumped Wizkid

Now, I cannot confirm the rumours are true, but we can all assume they are cuz the picture below is all the evidence we need. Who woulda thought Tania would dump Wizzy over Davido? I’m as shocked as you are, I mean, he’s taller, hotter & just makes more sense, but if Shortstuff makes her happy, good for her. Here you go, ENJOY.

Gotcha! LOL

D’banj Is Officially Over His Career

Okay guys, c’mon. What’s up with D’banj and what can we do to help? Because the way it looks now, he’s going down the very fast lane to obscurity & he officially needs to get it together.

I’m really obsessed with D’banj, I mean what’s not to like? He’s cute, tall, funny, sexy + he’s been bragging about his Koko for years. Side note: for all the years of sexual imagery, it’d better be a massive package. I’m talking nepa pole massive.

As much as I want like him, we’ve all known his career has been dead for a while now, which may or may not be due to his split from Don Jazzy. The last D’banj hit I can recall is Oliver Twist, 2010, and as if to assure us that he’s totally done with music, he’s unveiled his Koko Garri. I know I speak for a majority of women when I say that the only way I’m getting that is if I got word that eating it would give me his babies. Otherwise, I’ll pass.

This is the part where I’d usually say that I hope his girlfriend can fix him, but considering that Genevieve hasn’t done anything noteworthy since IJE,2010 either, I guess we’ll just have to sit & watch them both slowly disintegrate.

50 Shades Of Delusion; The Complete Fashion Mag Edition

Easter came early, you guys! cuz Complete Fashion, a mag that iono who the fuck still reads, is gifting us with its trailblazers knuckleheads edition & man! the delusion on this one is thick.

How perfect is it that Toke is basically photoshopped into the most shapeless mermaid alive, O.C looks lost + high & that alien on the right is supposedly Seyi Shay? This is the most snoozeworthy cover of all time. I mean, it could be a photo of sand on that cover & there’d be no difference.

While you’re still tryna get how Seyi Shay & Toke are trailblazers, let me direct you to the inner cover on which Sean Tizzle, Kach, Emma Nyra, B-Red & Beverly Naya are listed as “The Ones to Watch”

Where do I even start?
Sean Tizzle? Really, someone wants us to watch the scarier, shorter, less talented but more shapeless version of Davido? I’ll pass.
Kach; what are you???
Emma Nyra – Iyanya’s maid? No, thank you.
B-Red; um, who?
Beverly Naya; ok guys, I’m actually with CF mag on this, we should totally watch out for that awkwardly bent neck before it snaps & her head rolls into obscurity.

Whoever is responsible for this magazzzzzine deserves a high five, in the face, with a stool. ASAP! On second thought, make that a dozen stools.

10 Stupidest First Tweets Of Your Favorite Nollysluts

Twitter’s eight people! Although most of us have only been on it for a few years. Twitter just introduced a new tool, First Tweet, with which you can see anybody’s first tweet EVER. Yours, your boo’s, your bff’s or your frienemie’s. And YES, you can find celebrities’ first tweets too!

WARNING! Do NOT click this link or you’ll be useless for the next few days, stalking the first tweet of everyone you know. Being the benevolent angel that I am, I’ve compiled the first tweets of some of our favorite nollysluts. You’re welcome.

LOL. You? A covenant with God? Stop it, my tummy hurts.

Duh!

You guys, I give up, this trick has been partying for so long, its just pointless to try to make her quit now. TOO LATE

Nigga, how hard can it possibly be to navigate Uti’s butt twitter?

Me too hun, still tryna figure out watchu been doing with yo life since Ije, 2010

I hate to break it to ya, but it’s probably the same traffic your career has been in for a decade now.

I’ll be right here hun, listening to my music & watching you make questionable life choices.

LOL, exactly what you’ve achieved in the past five years

Good for you,J, now if only you’d learn how to actually ACT

WTF are you typing? What is this? Twitter for toddlers?

That Not-Smart Nollyslut Who Sang With IK Ogbonna Is Still Married

No longer content with being little more than a washed up talentless nollyslut,(remember any of her movies? No? Me neither) Juliet Shitbrahim keeps reaching for that rainbow of relevancy by telling us more about her open marriage than we’ll ever need to know.

She & her hubby shat out the following words to Razz Newspapers. I know, what an awesome coincidence. Razz newspapers? I just can’t.
Nigga said;

“When did you ever hear me speak in public? The only time I speak is when the issue concerns my business. I will say it again that the rumour is not true. She was not at my party because she had a lot to do in Nigeria.”

Let me correct that for you,
“When did you ever hear me TALK SHIT in public? The only time I BLAB is when the issue concerns my business. I will say it again that the rumour is not true. IT was not at my party because IT had a lot to FUCK in Nigeria.”

Hoe said;
“Do you know how often I am with my family?”

No, we don’t & I know I speak for the majority of humanity when I say, we DO NOT wanna know.

“Why would anybody want to say that acting is taking much of my time and away from my family?”

I know right! Who’d dare say that? I mean, considering you’ve not been in any sensible movie EVER in years.

“I was not at the party because I was in Nigeria, shooting. his party was supposed to be meant for him and his friends to celebrate and make merry – are you trying to say, he can’t have fun with friends because he’s married?”

Once more, let me correct that for you,
I was not at THAT SHITSHOW because I was in Nigeria, FUCKING. his party was supposed to be meant for him and his GIRLFRIENDS to FUCK and FUCK SOME MORE – are you trying to say, he can’t FUCK OTHER HOES because he’s married?”

In the words of the most sparkling poop on the planet, AINOBORRY GATIME FOR DT!, but if that stud with them below ever needs a blowie, then I MOST CERTAINLY got time for that. When you’re ready come & get it hun. Ugh, those stupid Selena Dumbez lyrics.

Someone Please Shove A Dick Up Singer Jodie’s Lying Ass

You guys, it’s a miracle! For once, someone’s being amazingly stupid & it’s not Dementia. Today, its singer type, Jodie (iono this trick either) who in an interview with TheNetNg, gifts us with an extra special serving of dumbassery while discussing the most delicious topic in the world, sex.

“Personally to me it is wrong because I am not married. I am not condemning those who do it, this is just my personal opinion.”

Bitch, you just said its wrong, so um yes, you’re totally condemning the rest of us, NORMAL people.

” I really should not have an opinion on sex because I don’t have any experience.”

The single sensible line in this entire statement. Can you just stfu now?

“Sex means nothing to me so I can’t get into any relationship just because of that”

LOL. I see you hun, rushing this interview & racing home to whip out your turbo powered vibrator. I mean, who needs a relationship when you got a room full of dildos? Ride on sweety. (Pun fully intended)

“I want a man that is my friend. Someone who would stand by me and be there for me. It is hard to find a friend in this dangerous world we live in so I need a friend. My friend should or would be the totality of me. With your friend in your life, there would be a large room of
compatibility. To sum it up, instead of saying he should be tall, dark, short, slim, fat and all, he should be my friend, one I can relate with without inhibition”.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
So um, you want a nigga you can friend zone? I hate to break it to ya, but this is probably why you’re allegedly still a virgin. I say allegedly cuz this picture right here is definitely of you riding something, maybe a dildo, dick or a pestle, but I don’t judge.

Keep holding on to your stupidity virginity hun. Let us know how that works out for ya.