Tag Archives: fucking shit

Maheeda’s Kids Strip, Show Her How It’s Really Done

In her continued effort to #getmoneybitch, Maheeda has made genitals turn inside/out with her porn pictures, has made retinas curl by her boring softcore pornos, has made you throw up a barrel of laughs with her music and now she’s transferring her desperation to a whole new set of nollysluts.

Ever since this cumwhore took off her top, panties & brains & posed like a pregnant horse on camera, semi-famous hoes think they can do it too. Case in point: This wtf picture of the razz one tryna remember how to climb a toilet seat in her daughter’s fugliest gown while showing us as much of her coochie as possible. To think TuFace goes down on that. Gross.

A bitch has to get paid, I know, but does everything have to be bum shorts this and bum shorts that? If I want to see an image of something this horrendous, I’ll just google “Fattest Fucking Orangutan. Shit. That’s what normal people do. Oh well, it could be a lot worse. At least she’s not topless.

The expired nollyslut that is Emeka Enyiocha has been on the side of the stage, in the darkness, watching all the spotlights shine on Flavour’s yummy biceps & Gideon’s not so yummy abs, so he’s decided to get a little attention of his own by posing like he’s about to get fucked in shorts that even Cossy Hoejiakor would be ashamed to wear.

And yes, we should all blame this on Maheeda. Before that slut, shit like this rarely went down. Now EVERYONE wants to look a little sexier & show a little something. Apparently, being a couple of dead nollysluts isn’t enough anymore, they all gotta try to be sexy as well. Fuckers. And here’s a picture of the undisputed queen of thirsty hoes looking like a stoned coke addict tryna pull out her tampon.

Thank You Cameroon, But It’s Time For You To Come Get Dencia

Not pictured: The 100 ice packs and 50 ice blocks that were needed to make sure the studio & everyone in it didn’t overheat & implode from being in such close proximity to the White Witch Of The East.

In case you needed further proof that she thinks with her implants, the ratchet ass used tampon that is Dementia went on Channel 4, UK to whore out her Shitilicious concoction. And all I can say is, thank God she’s not in Nigeria, even if only for a few days.

Now that she’s gone, I think its time for us to collectively petition Cameroon to come drag this hoe home. What I really wanna know is why this trick continually refers to herself as Nigerian. Bitch, you’re a fucking Cameroonian (although you’re ALWAYS here), we DON’T want you, your Shitilicious or your empty brain. I could give a thousand reasons why someone needs to drag this trick by her weave all the way back to Cameroon, but I’ll just give ONE. That song is the single most autotuned mess I’ve heard in all my life, & this is coming from someone who sat through the whole of Ms. Croaky’s “Once Upon A Snore” album.

If you’ve not yet seen the video, I really don’t think you should bother. It’s just seven minutes of her redefining the word “dumb”. From the confused accent, to the fugly jumpsuit, tacky weave & shades, all I can get is that Dementia obviously needs to fall of a cliff & disappear permanently. Someone please say a prayer.

Nadia Buari Unimpressed By Jim Iyke’s Stunt Queen Moves

You guys, its time for us to talk about how hard Kim Iyke is aiming for his very own Fartrashian style empire. So, Kim proposed to Nadia this week & she said yes, but there are still discussions to be had about the authenticity of this totally not at all staged proposal.

First off, the whole reason Kim started this scripted reality show is to be more like his idols, the Fartrashians. I hate to admit it, but those tricks are the queens of reality tv, they basically reinvented that genre & made it profitable, so anyone else is copying them, that includes you Omotola.

Now, considering we’ve already heard reports from Kim’s ex-girlfriend, Kentura Hamilton on how every second of that shit show is staged, and that somehow the cameras were right around the corner to capture this, I don’t mean to point fingers, but I think its pretty obvious Kim is 100% ripping off the Fartrashians.

And for someone who supposedly just got engaged, Nadia doesn’t sound too excited about it. Her tweets below are a dead giveaway, reminding us that “Jim Iyke Unscripted is anything but real. The sad thing is looking at pictures of em together, I actually think she might really love him, & he’s just gonna ruin this with his quest for fame.

Way to go Kim, selling out your fiancée for a tv show. How very Fartrashian of you. What’s next? A televised wedding special? Cripes! Be more gross n unoriginal.

50 Shades Of Delusion; The Complete Fashion Mag Edition

Easter came early, you guys! cuz Complete Fashion, a mag that iono who the fuck still reads, is gifting us with its trailblazers knuckleheads edition & man! the delusion on this one is thick.

How perfect is it that Toke is basically photoshopped into the most shapeless mermaid alive, O.C looks lost + high & that alien on the right is supposedly Seyi Shay? This is the most snoozeworthy cover of all time. I mean, it could be a photo of sand on that cover & there’d be no difference.

While you’re still tryna get how Seyi Shay & Toke are trailblazers, let me direct you to the inner cover on which Sean Tizzle, Kach, Emma Nyra, B-Red & Beverly Naya are listed as “The Ones to Watch”

Where do I even start?
Sean Tizzle? Really, someone wants us to watch the scarier, shorter, less talented but more shapeless version of Davido? I’ll pass.
Kach; what are you???
Emma Nyra – Iyanya’s maid? No, thank you.
B-Red; um, who?
Beverly Naya; ok guys, I’m actually with CF mag on this, we should totally watch out for that awkwardly bent neck before it snaps & her head rolls into obscurity.

Whoever is responsible for this magazzzzzine deserves a high five, in the face, with a stool. ASAP! On second thought, make that a dozen stools.

Someone Please Shove A Dick Up Singer Jodie’s Lying Ass

You guys, it’s a miracle! For once, someone’s being amazingly stupid & it’s not Dementia. Today, its singer type, Jodie (iono this trick either) who in an interview with TheNetNg, gifts us with an extra special serving of dumbassery while discussing the most delicious topic in the world, sex.

“Personally to me it is wrong because I am not married. I am not condemning those who do it, this is just my personal opinion.”

Bitch, you just said its wrong, so um yes, you’re totally condemning the rest of us, NORMAL people.

” I really should not have an opinion on sex because I don’t have any experience.”

The single sensible line in this entire statement. Can you just stfu now?

“Sex means nothing to me so I can’t get into any relationship just because of that”

LOL. I see you hun, rushing this interview & racing home to whip out your turbo powered vibrator. I mean, who needs a relationship when you got a room full of dildos? Ride on sweety. (Pun fully intended)

“I want a man that is my friend. Someone who would stand by me and be there for me. It is hard to find a friend in this dangerous world we live in so I need a friend. My friend should or would be the totality of me. With your friend in your life, there would be a large room of
compatibility. To sum it up, instead of saying he should be tall, dark, short, slim, fat and all, he should be my friend, one I can relate with without inhibition”.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
So um, you want a nigga you can friend zone? I hate to break it to ya, but this is probably why you’re allegedly still a virgin. I say allegedly cuz this picture right here is definitely of you riding something, maybe a dildo, dick or a pestle, but I don’t judge.

Keep holding on to your stupidity virginity hun. Let us know how that works out for ya.

White Witch, Toyin Lawani Wants You To Know She’s Still As Confused As Ever

A funny thing happened on IG today. The shit stain on humanity that is Toyin Lawani shared her new tattoo with a message about ignoring her “haters”. The irony’s on her cuz bitch aint got no haters. I hate to rain on your parade, but nobody gives a shit about you, your tailor shop fashion label, your bottom bitch fake boyfriend baby daddy, or that really unlucky baby he allegedly fucked into you.

LOL. Bitches be all over IG talking about haters that don’t exist.

I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how instagram hash tags work. No spacing? what is this? Instagram for beginners? Shh, nobody tell Toyin this, or that “ainoborry” & “gattime” aren’t actual words. Let’s all just let this trick continue to amaze us with her dumbfuckery. I don’t think I even need to go into how fugly this tattoo is, it speaks for itself.

Its a bummer kids can’t walk, cuz if it could, that baby would run faster than Usain Bolt to the moon to get as far as possible from the foolery oozing from its mother.

Ghost Queen, Pela Okiemute Says He Has A Girlfriend, Fails To Convince Me She’s Real

I usually try not to get offended by the “celebrity” shit that I hear daily, but I’m just getting word that Pela Okiemute is insisting he has a girlfriend, and I just want to know what the hell kinda fools he thinks we are.
This nutjob isn’t just saying he’s got a girl, he claims to have been dating her for three years now. I just gotta ask, what sorta fucked up bitch stays with a guy & watches him transform from black to brown to caramel to orange to yellow to white to Off white to faded in three years? (feel free to add any shade I might’ve missed)
Why are we just hearing about her now, only after a certain law has been passed?
I don’t mean to scare y’all or anything, but I just gotta point out that in under two months, four “connected” guys have all suddenly fallen in love. First, it was Uti, next Alexx, then our “metro sexuality guy” Prince & now this parasite. How long till Infantata (Denrele) goes crazy & starts dating Dementia?
And, just in case you’re wondering, this shit went down on Toke’s TRENDING snoozefest. We ALL oughta slow clap for the cinematographer who recorded that, I mean, how did he not instantly go blind as a bat with all the “heavenly whiteness” radiating in that room? Toke & Pela in one room?? I’m surprised those studios didn’t explode from the sheer intensity of the fumes emanating from these two stunt queens.
I’m just gonna leave this picture below of Ghost Queen & the “girlfriend” I suspect he’s referring to. Yeah, I still don’t believe the bottom bitch in this picture fucked that baby into that tricky White Witch, Toyin Lawani. Nice try guys, but I ain’t buying it.

Le Hustle; Hosted By Fourteen Pregnant Nollywood Stars

There’s so much foolery in these pictures, if you’ve not yet given up on nollywood, you might need to get checked. So many potbellies! What are these people eating? Let me rephrase that; what aren’t these people eating??
These washed up nollysluts played against a ghollywood (ghollywood? This is the best y’all could come up with?) team last week & lost, DUH! I will never, ever know how they managed to score one goal. Those jerseys & shorts are two sizes too small for all of em. NOBODY needs to see these baby bumps or bulges. Eew. What have y’all been doing with your lives? Eating for a village?
And don’t even try to figure out what those two are doing in that last picture. Just Gross

Sunday Fuckery; Hosted By Stylist Prince Uzoegwu

You guys, something called a Prince Uzoegwu spoke to Ladun Liadi over the weekend, & believe me, the immense fuckery he shat out is ALL you need to get you through this week.

What inspires your outfit?
“Basically I have always been a metro sexuality guy. I love being gothic and edgy.”

Metro sexuality guy? LOL Really? U don’t mean it!

“I hate pretty and the normal norms of dressing because I find it boring and over used”

Did you seriously just use normal & norms in the same sentence? Um, so I think Dementia might have a long lost sibling.

“The way I dress is my own means of accepting who I am. It is my way of expressing myself. Besides seeing Alexander Mcqueen’s collection when I was in high school tickled my interest in fashion and this brought about my obsession with everything to do with the way I dress.”

Zzzzzzzz

Do you mind telling us about HER?
“Well I am in a very private and passionate relationship with SOMEONE I call a soul mate.”
When are you thinking of settling down with HER?
I don’t think I will love to settle down because I am more career minded right now. But then you never can tell what love can do.

See what I did there? Ladun keeps asking after HER, he keeps talking about SOMEONE.

So basically, Prince wants y’all to know he’s not gay, he’s simply a “metro sexuality” guy, whatever that means & he’s in a relationship with someone who could be a she, he or an it. Judging by these photos below, its probably an IT, sorry, I take that back, Prince Uzoegwu is definitely in a relationship with an IT. And yes, that’s eye shadow, mascara, female boots & his dick below. Now excuse me while I puke my intestines out.

Maheeda Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop Tryna Get Famous

Some little girls grow up to become people, some become skeevy cumwhores. The elegant mosquito that is Maheeda is gifting us with another music video, although no one asked. If this is anything like her first video, it’ll just be shots of her saggy ass, potbelly, scary face & tacky wigs over & over. I’ve got no problem with a hoe tryna feel sexy, all I’m saying is if you’re gonna strip, go all the way. Stop with the ass shots & cleavage zooms, give us EVERYTHING or shut this shit down. Quit teasing those male “models” in your videos, if you’re gonna be nude around ’em, you might as well give ’em handies or blowies. Why so selfish Maheeda?
And five minutes after this video was shot that trick painting her crotch exploded. She shoulda known better. You don’t put your nose that close to such toxic fumes & expect to survive.

Yemi Alade Is Still Really, Really Tryna Be Sexy

I really don’t mean to scare anyone, but I think Yemi might have suffered a stroke last night on stage. That is the only explanation I will accept for these pictures below. Who knew Alex would be a life saver?
If you’re into a slut grinding her potbelly & possibly crab infested crotch on a mannequin, rejoice!, this is heaven. If, you’re not, I can’t help you.
We really need to talk about that wide grin on Alex’s face. Dude looks like a monkey discovering bananas for the very first time. Why so excited Alex? First time with a human woman? Next thing we know, they’ll claim they’re dating & fell in love on the set of her music video. I’m looking at you Uti Nwachukwu & Saeon
This is every possible layer of gross. Cossy’s probably looking at them & thinking “lawd! Who is this Yemi trick & why is she tryna upstage me?”

Someone Please Explain Why Iyanya Won’t Shut Up

For some reason that is completely beyond me, Quasimodo gave an interview to iCampus Magazine (yeah, never heard of it too) & you guys!, this is the best thing I’ve read this entire year. There’s just such immense fuckery in this, I can’t decide where to start. I’ll just skip to the juiciest quotes.
“They abuse you and when you abuse them back it becomes an issue.”
Um, I think you mean “insult”?

“You don’t want to know the things I ignore. If I check my twitter now, someone is abusing me. We have never met but they are abusing me.”
You’re about to weep cuz people are mean to you on twitter? Nigga, get off twitter.

“Sometimes I am single; sometimes I’m in a relationship. You fit see me tomorrow and I go tell you say, “Oh boy, I don break up oh.” I fit wake up say I no do again. Then next tomorrow, I can be in a relationship.”
Ok, so you’re a serial dater? We did NOT need to know that, but it’s cool.

“I’m after the money. My problem is to make money and have like 20 houses in this Lagos – Island and Mainland. I want house for London, everywhere, so when people talk too much, I go just comot go my house for London go chill.”
LOL. Money miss road. If all you want money for is to buy houses, you either have a really weird house fetish or you’re crazy.

“I feel like you can just watch a Nollywood movie that you have never seen or heard of and tell the way it’s going to end before it does.”
This is the ONLY sensible line in this entire interview.

“But trust me; if any director partners with me to do a movie, it will be awesome.”
Awesomely boring you mean? Really though? Have you not learnt anything from Genny, Omotola & Tonto Decay?? STAY IN YOUR LANE. Ugh.

“Ehn.. person go dey inside studio dey hustle hard to do music make una happy.”
Make una happy? I’m sorry, what?? Please, keep your music. We DON’T want. How is it even possible for you to contradict yourself like this? One minute, you’re doing this all for the money, the next, it’s to make us happy. Um, so, can you hear yourself?

“You go manage gather 1500 or even pay BIS for one week dey abuse person wey dey hustle. It’s not kool. They should try to understand…”
I will never get why all Nigerian “celebs” assume anyone who attacks them online is doing so from a blackberry. No, we do not all use blackberries. Some of us use androids & iPhones too. Shut up already.

And the juiciest part;
“Later I go see am for twitter that Iyanya said he will do a sex scene with Yvonne Nelson then the girl go come dey talk nonsense on top Twitter. Abeg oh!”
Let me get this, you’re afraid Yvonne will trash talk you on twitter, so you’re just gonna do it first & trash talk her on paper. How smart of you! Where is your PR team? And why are they letting you do this?

It’s official you guys, the Iyanya and Yvonne Nelson sextape of my dreams will probably never happen. I always hoped they’d reunite & give us something to live for. If you need me, I’ll be in the corner mourning the loss of yet another sextape. Over to you FLAVOUR & DILLISH.

An Actual Human Being Is Dating Vic O?

It’s a miracle! No, you’re not going crazy, someone IS dating Vic O! An actual human being!, who I’m assuming he met at one of his ridiculously hilarious “hafter parries”
If you’ve been dead & somehow don’t know who Vic O is, let me allow him introduce himself with these lyrics from one of his “amazing” songs;
“Neegas I’m not hesactly what u tink i ham, Now if u must know who i ham, Am na-Am a man of V hi P. A man of Gad & I
not de madafacka. Ham de son of Gad Neegas. Ham just wanna let u neegas know dat life is had”
If this blog never gets updated again, its probably cuz I died laughing.

50 Shades Of Delusion; The Maheeda Edition

You guys, what is it with Encomium magazine & their love for getting really shitty interviews? Today, its the sleazy, stripper wannabe that is Maheeda. She took time off the really tasking job that is posing like a dead shellfish on instagram to shit out these words of wisdom;
“I dont have a problem doing what I do but I think its because of my job”
(you have a job? Um? Tryna outdo Cossy Hoejiakor?)
“and I know most Christians would not understand. But I just believe that this is what I have to do to get attention”
(you gotta give this hoe credit, at least she’s honest about doing it for attention)
“especially when it comes to my job”
(bitch, if I hear you say ‘job’ one more time)
“and I just believe His grace is enough for me. He loves me more than my nakedness. If you see God as a father and he sees you as a daughter, He would not because of your nakedness want to ruin you or kill you. That is how I see God.”
(am I crazy or did you just say you know God?)
” He understands me. He hates me but he loves me at the same time”.
(Sorry I asked, obviously you do NOT know God)

To be honest, I really don’t care if you serve gods/dicks or whatever. All I want is more nude pictures & yes, I demand to see nipples.

Le Hustle; Hosted By Cossy Hoejiakor

There’s no better way to start your week than staring at this picture of Ten Kobo Bobby, an overly excited dude & some random slut.
If you were at this club, go ahead & cancel all your plans for the week. Run to your nearest clinic & get tested ASAP! Anyone who comes within a mile of this dumbfuck will most definitely get herpes, crabs or even worse, her stupidity. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!