Tag Archives: fucking shit

Maheeda’s Kids Strip, Show Her How It’s Really Done

In her continued effort to #getmoneybitch, Maheeda has made genitals turn inside/out with her porn pictures, has made retinas curl by her boring softcore pornos, has made you throw up a barrel of laughs with her music and now she’s transferring her desperation to a whole new set of nollysluts.

Ever since this cumwhore took off her top, panties & brains & posed like a pregnant horse on camera, semi-famous hoes think they can do it too. Case in point: This wtf picture of the razz one tryna remember how to climb a toilet seat in her daughter’s fugliest gown while showing us as much of her coochie as possible. To think TuFace goes down on that. Gross.

A bitch has to get paid, I know, but does everything have to be bum shorts this and bum shorts that? If I want to see an image of something this horrendous, I’ll just google “Fattest Fucking Orangutan. Shit. That’s what normal people do. Oh well, it could be a lot worse. At least she’s not topless.

The expired nollyslut that is Emeka Enyiocha has been on the side of the stage, in the darkness, watching all the spotlights shine on Flavour’s yummy biceps & Gideon’s not so yummy abs, so he’s decided to get a little attention of his own by posing like he’s about to get fucked in shorts that even Cossy Hoejiakor would be ashamed to wear.

And yes, we should all blame this on Maheeda. Before that slut, shit like this rarely went down. Now EVERYONE wants to look a little sexier & show a little something. Apparently, being a couple of dead nollysluts isn’t enough anymore, they all gotta try to be sexy as well. Fuckers. And here’s a picture of the undisputed queen of thirsty hoes looking like a stoned coke addict tryna pull out her tampon.

Thank You Cameroon, But It’s Time For You To Come Get Dencia

Not pictured: The 100 ice packs and 50 ice blocks that were needed to make sure the studio & everyone in it didn’t overheat & implode from being in such close proximity to the White Witch Of The East.

In case you needed further proof that she thinks with her implants, the ratchet ass used tampon that is Dementia went on Channel 4, UK to whore out her Shitilicious concoction. And all I can say is, thank God she’s not in Nigeria, even if only for a few days.

Now that she’s gone, I think its time for us to collectively petition Cameroon to come drag this hoe home. What I really wanna know is why this trick continually refers to herself as Nigerian. Bitch, you’re a fucking Cameroonian (although you’re ALWAYS here), we DON’T want you, your Shitilicious or your empty brain. I could give a thousand reasons why someone needs to drag this trick by her weave all the way back to Cameroon, but I’ll just give ONE. That song is the single most autotuned mess I’ve heard in all my life, & this is coming from someone who sat through the whole of Ms. Croaky’s “Once Upon A Snore” album.

If you’ve not yet seen the video, I really don’t think you should bother. It’s just seven minutes of her redefining the word “dumb”. From the confused accent, to the fugly jumpsuit, tacky weave & shades, all I can get is that Dementia obviously needs to fall of a cliff & disappear permanently. Someone please say a prayer.

Nadia Buari Unimpressed By Jim Iyke’s Stunt Queen Moves

You guys, its time for us to talk about how hard Kim Iyke is aiming for his very own Fartrashian style empire. So, Kim proposed to Nadia this week & she said yes, but there are still discussions to be had about the authenticity of this totally not at all staged proposal.

First off, the whole reason Kim started this scripted reality show is to be more like his idols, the Fartrashians. I hate to admit it, but those tricks are the queens of reality tv, they basically reinvented that genre & made it profitable, so anyone else is copying them, that includes you Omotola.

Now, considering we’ve already heard reports from Kim’s ex-girlfriend, Kentura Hamilton on how every second of that shit show is staged, and that somehow the cameras were right around the corner to capture this, I don’t mean to point fingers, but I think its pretty obvious Kim is 100% ripping off the Fartrashians.

And for someone who supposedly just got engaged, Nadia doesn’t sound too excited about it. Her tweets below are a dead giveaway, reminding us that “Jim Iyke Unscripted is anything but real. The sad thing is looking at pictures of em together, I actually think she might really love him, & he’s just gonna ruin this with his quest for fame.

Way to go Kim, selling out your fiancée for a tv show. How very Fartrashian of you. What’s next? A televised wedding special? Cripes! Be more gross n unoriginal.

50 Shades Of Delusion; The Complete Fashion Mag Edition

Easter came early, you guys! cuz Complete Fashion, a mag that iono who the fuck still reads, is gifting us with its trailblazers knuckleheads edition & man! the delusion on this one is thick.

How perfect is it that Toke is basically photoshopped into the most shapeless mermaid alive, O.C looks lost + high & that alien on the right is supposedly Seyi Shay? This is the most snoozeworthy cover of all time. I mean, it could be a photo of sand on that cover & there’d be no difference.

While you’re still tryna get how Seyi Shay & Toke are trailblazers, let me direct you to the inner cover on which Sean Tizzle, Kach, Emma Nyra, B-Red & Beverly Naya are listed as “The Ones to Watch”

Where do I even start?
Sean Tizzle? Really, someone wants us to watch the scarier, shorter, less talented but more shapeless version of Davido? I’ll pass.
Kach; what are you???
Emma Nyra – Iyanya’s maid? No, thank you.
B-Red; um, who?
Beverly Naya; ok guys, I’m actually with CF mag on this, we should totally watch out for that awkwardly bent neck before it snaps & her head rolls into obscurity.

Whoever is responsible for this magazzzzzine deserves a high five, in the face, with a stool. ASAP! On second thought, make that a dozen stools.

Someone Please Shove A Dick Up Singer Jodie’s Lying Ass

You guys, it’s a miracle! For once, someone’s being amazingly stupid & it’s not Dementia. Today, its singer type, Jodie (iono this trick either) who in an interview with TheNetNg, gifts us with an extra special serving of dumbassery while discussing the most delicious topic in the world, sex.

“Personally to me it is wrong because I am not married. I am not condemning those who do it, this is just my personal opinion.”

Bitch, you just said its wrong, so um yes, you’re totally condemning the rest of us, NORMAL people.

” I really should not have an opinion on sex because I don’t have any experience.”

The single sensible line in this entire statement. Can you just stfu now?

“Sex means nothing to me so I can’t get into any relationship just because of that”

LOL. I see you hun, rushing this interview & racing home to whip out your turbo powered vibrator. I mean, who needs a relationship when you got a room full of dildos? Ride on sweety. (Pun fully intended)

“I want a man that is my friend. Someone who would stand by me and be there for me. It is hard to find a friend in this dangerous world we live in so I need a friend. My friend should or would be the totality of me. With your friend in your life, there would be a large room of
compatibility. To sum it up, instead of saying he should be tall, dark, short, slim, fat and all, he should be my friend, one I can relate with without inhibition”.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
So um, you want a nigga you can friend zone? I hate to break it to ya, but this is probably why you’re allegedly still a virgin. I say allegedly cuz this picture right here is definitely of you riding something, maybe a dildo, dick or a pestle, but I don’t judge.

Keep holding on to your stupidity virginity hun. Let us know how that works out for ya.

White Witch, Toyin Lawani Wants You To Know She’s Still As Confused As Ever

A funny thing happened on IG today. The shit stain on humanity that is Toyin Lawani shared her new tattoo with a message about ignoring her “haters”. The irony’s on her cuz bitch aint got no haters. I hate to rain on your parade, but nobody gives a shit about you, your tailor shop fashion label, your bottom bitch fake boyfriend baby daddy, or that really unlucky baby he allegedly fucked into you.

LOL. Bitches be all over IG talking about haters that don’t exist.

I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how instagram hash tags work. No spacing? what is this? Instagram for beginners? Shh, nobody tell Toyin this, or that “ainoborry” & “gattime” aren’t actual words. Let’s all just let this trick continue to amaze us with her dumbfuckery. I don’t think I even need to go into how fugly this tattoo is, it speaks for itself.

Its a bummer kids can’t walk, cuz if it could, that baby would run faster than Usain Bolt to the moon to get as far as possible from the foolery oozing from its mother.

Ghost Queen, Pela Okiemute Says He Has A Girlfriend, Fails To Convince Me She’s Real

I usually try not to get offended by the “celebrity” shit that I hear daily, but I’m just getting word that Pela Okiemute is insisting he has a girlfriend, and I just want to know what the hell kinda fools he thinks we are.
This nutjob isn’t just saying he’s got a girl, he claims to have been dating her for three years now. I just gotta ask, what sorta fucked up bitch stays with a guy & watches him transform from black to brown to caramel to orange to yellow to white to Off white to faded in three years? (feel free to add any shade I might’ve missed)
Why are we just hearing about her now, only after a certain law has been passed?
I don’t mean to scare y’all or anything, but I just gotta point out that in under two months, four “connected” guys have all suddenly fallen in love. First, it was Uti, next Alexx, then our “metro sexuality guy” Prince & now this parasite. How long till Infantata (Denrele) goes crazy & starts dating Dementia?
And, just in case you’re wondering, this shit went down on Toke’s TRENDING snoozefest. We ALL oughta slow clap for the cinematographer who recorded that, I mean, how did he not instantly go blind as a bat with all the “heavenly whiteness” radiating in that room? Toke & Pela in one room?? I’m surprised those studios didn’t explode from the sheer intensity of the fumes emanating from these two stunt queens.
I’m just gonna leave this picture below of Ghost Queen & the “girlfriend” I suspect he’s referring to. Yeah, I still don’t believe the bottom bitch in this picture fucked that baby into that tricky White Witch, Toyin Lawani. Nice try guys, but I ain’t buying it.