Tag Archives: ms. croaky

Gidi Up Season Two Episode Four Review; Yvonne Ekwere Can’t Find Her G-Spot

There’s one thing the entire world can agree on, no matter where we come from or how DULL we are or whether we prefer to use “tone”, “brighten” or “bleach” and that thing is that those 15 second GTBank ads before every fucking episode of Gidi Up need to STOP.
ASAP.

Obi’s back at his radio job & I think we all need to take a moment to start a slow-clap for the show runners for dragging his season one co-host, eternal IJGB/fake accent connoisseur Maria Okanrende (DJ Foxy from MTV’s Shuga) out the backdoor & hiring someone else this season. After his show, CougarMaster General, Ireti Doyle’s driver takes him to breakfast. I’ll get to that in a bit.

Sharon & Meka argue over milk( wtf?) & their living arrangement, he asks a couple questions about Yvonne, Sharon smiles, then reads something.Valley girl can’t even see her man is falling for Von. ATTENTION: Note carefully the dining room furniture.

Obi meets Illa (Ireti Doyle), who is GLOWING by the way, for breakfast at a “not-yet-open-to-the-public” hotel. Hmmm. Is it just me, or is this THE EXACT SAME dining table(& room) at which Sharon & Meka just fought over milk?

REALLY??? Gidi Up crew,feel free to explain yourselves now.

Breakfast is as awkward as you’d expect & Illa looks so thirsty the entire time, I was almost certain she’d just strip & hump him till his dick fell off, pause, glue it back on & hump him some more. Sadly, none of that happens.

Yvonne gets to the Von fashion store (yeah, she’s in business with her former Sugar Daddy’s daughter now) where Sharon’s in a meeting with some retail outfit & Ifeanyi Dike Jnr. Hey there, cutie :D. She’s pissed at being left out & demands Sharon includes her in other business meetings.

Oh, & Toks may not meet the deadline for his Techserve Beta testing. There’s also a 25 second power bike scene which I’m yet to make sense of. Airhead Eki makes a sandwich, tells Von Tok’s is drifting away from her, Von tells us her life story, Ugh, so depressing. Someone make IT stop talking.

Ladies & Gents, Dingleberry El Grande, Cruella De Vil, aka Yvonne Vixen Ekwere appears in this episode as Tok’s friend,game buddy & fuck piece a creature who very clearly doesn’t know how to cum or where her G-spot is & I’ve taken the liberty of ordering this hussy a veeeeery special gift. Enjoy hunty 😀

And just cuz I m so extremely nice, I’ll let y’all decide who’s sexy face is funniest; Cruella, Tiwa or Her Royal Awkwardness; Seyi Shay.

Tiwa Savage Is Getting Married; Let The Famzing Begin

Unless you’ve been stuck between Cossy Hoejiakor’s gigantic watermelons, you probably already knew this was coming. Ms. Unnecessary High Pitch & her very gropey piece are officially signing up to become future ex-wife & ex-husband on April 26th, in Dubai.

Ms. Croaky should definitely toss her phone cuz now that we know this, EVERY SINGLE Nigerian “celebrity” will be calling to congratulate her try to sweet talk their way to an invite. Does anyone remember how crowded the bald one’s wedding to the razz one was last year? EVERYONE was there, actors, musicians, Uti & Boo, heck, even models & OAPs were there. This could potentially be twice as bad. I mean, what sorta celeb are you if you can’t famz your way to this? This will be more of a roll call, than an actual wedding.

And if the cringe-worthy fashion faux pas and reported fighting to get on the boat to Tuface’s wedding venue taught me anything, its to expect to absolute worst from our “celebs”.

April 26th, prepare yourselves!
Oh, & Dami & Chris , are still supposedly getting hitched on April 12th. Two weddings in one month? Can we just fast forward to April already.

Le Hustle; Hosted By A Very Wet Tiwa Savage

Ms. Unnecessary High Pitch “performed” at a gala night over the weekend & yes, she brought her bare feet again. The first time, it was different, maybe even nice, but it had been raining & it was an outdoor event so she had an excuse. What I want to know is why this trick is barefoot on an obviously dry stage at The Civic Centre in Lagos.
Now, let me draw your attention to the true STAR of this event, that slippery, shining, dripping wet armpit! Tee Billz is such a lucky man, getting to lick that every night! And now that we know where those lips have been, let’s all take five minutes to bleach out our brains.
Well, every trick needs to make bank somehow. She’s making money by being a wet, barefoot mess, Dementia chooses to sell Shitilicious & Maheeda’s still trying that whole sleazy stripper routine. So, um happy hustling boo.
No,I most definitely did not forget the lesser stars of that picture, that super muscular “she-hulk arm” behind Ms. Croaky & those ‘Yam Legs’ beside her. This picture is PERFECTION!

Stars In Rags; The Darey Concert Edition

1.Kelly Rowland – wtf hair?
2.Eva – Isioma
3.Tiwa – ms. Unnecessary high pitch
4.Gbemi olateru-whatever
5.Toke – gumbody, mosquito
6.Ego – ♥
7.Vixen – Cruella De’Vil
8.Sasha P- She-hulk
9.Muna- jack of all trades

New Music Alert! Brandy Ft. Tiwa Savage: Zzzzzzz

Forgive me if I doze off while typing this, but apparently Brandy’s in Lagos for Classic FM’s Valentine concert, but she was at Kelly Rowland’s show last night & now she’s at some press conference yapping about Ms. Croaky’s performance at the same concert & how much she’ll love to work with Ms. Croaky.
YAWN
In other news, people in Lagos are probably wondering why its raining so much, its just the angels crying over the millions of brains that’ll explode when they hear the autotuned mess these two will unleash.

In WTF News Of The Day; Tiwa Savage Gets An Oil Deal

Executives at Forte Oil apparently got drunk yesterday & made Ms. Unnecessary High Pitch face of their brand. Oil companies get celeb ambassadors now?How long till PHCN signs Toke as its “face of light”?
Queuing at a gas station to refuel is annoying on its own, if this trick showed up & started croaking out a song, I’d definitely pass out.
“So this is engine oil innit? It is very sexy engine oil. It lubricates. um. your car parts, gets your motor running. Everybody buy Forte Oil engine oil, it’s the best. um. lubricant.” – Tiwa Savage

<a