Tag Archives: photoshop

50 Shades Of Delusion; The Complete Fashion Mag Edition

Easter came early, you guys! cuz Complete Fashion, a mag that iono who the fuck still reads, is gifting us with its trailblazers knuckleheads edition & man! the delusion on this one is thick.

How perfect is it that Toke is basically photoshopped into the most shapeless mermaid alive, O.C looks lost + high & that alien on the right is supposedly Seyi Shay? This is the most snoozeworthy cover of all time. I mean, it could be a photo of sand on that cover & there’d be no difference.

While you’re still tryna get how Seyi Shay & Toke are trailblazers, let me direct you to the inner cover on which Sean Tizzle, Kach, Emma Nyra, B-Red & Beverly Naya are listed as “The Ones to Watch”

Where do I even start?
Sean Tizzle? Really, someone wants us to watch the scarier, shorter, less talented but more shapeless version of Davido? I’ll pass.
Kach; what are you???
Emma Nyra – Iyanya’s maid? No, thank you.
B-Red; um, who?
Beverly Naya; ok guys, I’m actually with CF mag on this, we should totally watch out for that awkwardly bent neck before it snaps & her head rolls into obscurity.

Whoever is responsible for this magazzzzzine deserves a high five, in the face, with a stool. ASAP! On second thought, make that a dozen stools.

The Photoshop Awards; Toke Makina For TW Magazine

After seeing the Rita Dominic & Toolz photoshop debacles, I did not think it could get worse. Leave it to TW magazine to surprise us in ways we did NOT need. TW mag says that ghost on the cover is supposedly Toke Makinwa, I say bullshit.
As unbelievable as it sounds, Toke’s TW mag cover might actually be faker than she is!
First, we’ve got her deadbeat, not muscular, fitness expert accessory, Maje giving us black Shrek vibes, then there’s those shoes. Lawd! Those awful, awful shoes. And finally, its Toke herself rocking her granny’s favorite shower curtain & that godawful sawdust hair.
I’ve got a million questions, but I’ll ask the most important, Why aren’t those real rocks so these two can fall of the face of the earth for good? Why??
You’d think this was bad enough, but no, TW mag just had to photoshop the emotions out of their faces & suck the life right out of their eyes, leaving these two zombie-ogre hybrids on the cover.
The only real thing about this cover is the terror on that puppy’s face. I’d be that petrified too, if the Queen of death eaters held me in her laps & smiled. You can almost hear it screaming for help. Who’s idea was it anyway to shoot this super shitty cover with these two? What were you high on? Shitilicious?

Rita Dominic Is The Reason Why Photoshop Crashed Today

We’ve all seen Rita before,right? On almost every red carpet in Lagos, every other week making some good, not so good & sometimes wtf fashion choices. I’m told this creature below is Rita, but I’m not convinced.
This looks nothing like Rita. Who’s nose is that? Where did they get those malformed cheekbones? Those lips? Who’s purple paint is that & why is it smeared all over her lips without restraint? Why are we styling her in that frumpy blouse? Why do her hands look all puffy & swollen? Which obviously underpaid intern at Genevieve mag is responsible for this disaster?
If your photoshop isn’t running today or tomorrow, blame it on this alien on Genevieve magazine.

OAP Toolz Is The Reason Why PhotoShop Crashed Today

If you’re wondering where all the photoshop in the world went, its on the promo pictures for season two of “The Juice”. Clueless? Its that snoozefest of a show where she asks “celebrities” things we don’t need to know, tries to dance kukere (wtf?), flirts way too much with Burna Boy & gets obviously intimidated by Tonto Dike. And all this fuckery went down in season one.
Someone at ndani tv went all sorts of crazy with the photoshop & somehow managed to turn this wrecking ball into something that kinda looks like a human being.