Tag Archives: tv

Gidi Up Season Two Episode Two Review; Is It Over Yet?

In case you missed it, Gidi Up is back. I already wasn’t expecting to ever see another episode as long as I live, unless I got bored, googled Boring-est TV Shows Ever & somehow lost my way. But I still figured it would be a one-episode thing and they would shut it down. How wrong I was.

Milf extraordinaire, Ireti Doyle finds Obi’s body then verbally smacks down everyone at some silly hospital in the first two minutes for demanding a N700,000 deposit to treat him. Tokunbo, Eki & Yvonne spend the morning pooping, talking & pooping some more.

Next, we see Makida Moka & some hussy two robots buy smoothies & find a blog post about Obi’s accident. I’m pretty sure two humanichs would be better actors. Those two trollops were so mechanic & robotic. Damn! And I read somewhere the entire cast got acting lessons pre-shoot. LOL. From who? The Fartrashians?

Over the next four minutes, we learn Obi’s in a coma. Duh. Toks, Eki & Von sob at the hospital. Obi’s annoying-as-fuck manager/pimp?? Shows up too. SIDE NOTE; I still don’t know who this trick is. Hell, even Toks, Eki & Von don’t; but if I hear that bum bitch IJGB faux British accent one more time…

JOKE SILVA you guys! Joke FRIGGING Silva makes a guest appearance as Tokunbo’s mum for lunch & serves up some typical concerned yoruba mom awesomeness. Her facial expressions are ALWAYS to die for. She brings up Tok’s dad & lunch goes downhill faster than Dementia’s music career.

Sharon takes Von out to tea, they talk about Folarin, again. Ugh. OMG, you guys, the BACKGROUND NOISE at this café is epic. You can basically hear other voices. Wtf? and the incessant clanking of plates. Why?? She proposes a partnership to revive Von’s fashion label; which I totally forgot she had since she hasn’t done ANYTHING AT ALL this season, even though she knows Von fucked her dad. Eww.

Back at the hospital, Eki’s throwing up, tells Von she thinks it’s malaria & that she’s been to the hospital three times that morning.

Let me stop you right there hunty! You have NOT been to “the hospital” three times this morning. Bitch yo ass been at the hospital ALL DAY in Obi’s room! Who wrote these lines??? So, unless you tryna say you got a twin sitting in for you, you craaazy sista.

Von says it could be typhoid & duh bitches, ion need a genie to tell me she’s pregnant. Its just too easy.

Finally, the three muska-tears meet up in the hospital passage, head to Obi’s room to find a doctor & two unnecessarily rude nurses tryna revive him? Apparently, nigga mighta died while they were out getting tea, lunch & puking. What A+mazing friends!

You guys, the true STAR of this episode is the hospital receptionist who obviously shares my opinion of this entire fuckery.

Gidi Up Season Two Episode One Review; Why Are You Pulling Our Dicks?

Bitches, I’m Baaack! 😀

It took all the discipline in the world to not blog about that video of Tiwa tryna be sexier than a possessed Kangaroo on steroids! Lawd! You don’t blog for 3 months & the craziest shit happens. Gidi Up is back now & while I can’t promise ill be blogging regularly again, ill be reviewing every episode of this fuckery I see. Buckle up, we going in.

You guys, after 27 minutes on its season premiere, I’m not yet sure how I feel about this joke season. Before I get into this, I just wanna make sure y’all are already thinking of excuses in advance, cuz it’s gonna be pretty hard to defend the show runners when I tell you what they’ve done.

I was gonna add a link to the first season for those who missed it, but considering that almost EVERY actor from season one has been recast, that’s pointless. I mean, I saw & loved season one, but I still can’t make shit of this new season, so we all in the same boat. You’d think that after a 14month hiatus & major actor replacements, anyone with half a brain would send out a press release explaining the changes & introducing the newbies, but no, we just get a whole new show with a lotta questionable new actors in roles I’m not exactly sure make sense.

I’m like, I’m just here cuz I got 30mins to blow & I kinda like your show, but then you switch up shit & expect me to spend the time tryna figure out who’s replacing who? #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat

On the first ep of this snoozefest, Obi’s still broke, Yvonne’s still broke too. So, what do you do when you’re broke? Move in with a friend who’s not broke & discuss your joint “brokeness” over cereal in a scene in which there’s so much background noise in a dining room??? that I’m pretty sure my eardrums exploded. Wtf you guys? Tokunbo’s tryna run Techserve, his startup company & Eki’s gone from the focused photographer of last season to just some chick in love. Way to go guys, is this the character growth you promised??

We get a flashback to a scene of Yvonne at the police station with a detective who’s so hot for her I’m shocked his dick didn’t fall off & try to climb up her vagina. EWW. There she warns Folarin to leave her alone for good or she’ll kill him. LOL. Bitch, he beat you like a cow last season, he can still do that again. Stfu already. Obviously, I’m not encouraging violence , but Somkele Iyamah looked more awkward in that scene than Seyi Shay ever has, & that’s saying something cuz that hussy looks awkward 101% of the time.

Obi goes to see his manager?boss?owner? What is that trick supposed to be? to ask for upfront pay on his TV deal which he doesn’t get,duh!, tries to chat up a hot chick in the lobby & she’s a total HBIC & dismisses him. Then, everyone’s at an all-white dinner some dude’s throwing for Tokunbo. Eki tells Yvonne she thinks Tok’s is the one, he tells Obi, it’s just a fling, I DOZE OFF.

Dinner’s over, Obi’s driving home, his loan shark’s touts overtake & fuck him up so bad he’s left half dead on the road. Its FINALLY over, I’m FREE!

On the plus side, O.C Ukeje & Deyemi Okanlawon are together again! (yep, I saw Knock Knock too, I know, I’ve got waaay to much free time) which is always good TV. Oh, & rhinocopotamous mannequin, Toolz has a 15sec cameo as someone or a statue, I’m not sure.

I’d sum up the episode in one word, but I truly can’t think of an awful enough word, so, ill just let this dude’s facial expression do that for me.

Side note to all em thirsty hoes looking for blog posts to steal, if you use this, you better link this blog to your post & state your source CLEARLY. Just ask my runaway boo, Dro.

Gidi Culture TV Review; 3 Reasons You Should Totally Skip It

So there I was stalking Flavour on IG while desperately praying to the gods he releases a sextape ASAP reading my bible, hallelujah somebody! & R sent me a link to some new show, Gidi Culture, & after sitting through this snoozefest, all I can say is I just wasted 34 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back.

First off, 34 minutes. Can someone please tell me why this shitshow went on for 34 minutes? TV shows are usually either 22mins (30 with commercials) or 42 mins ( 60 with ads). So forgive me if I don’t understand why this lasted 34. It just seemed over stretched & unnecessary considering that eight minutes of this were ONE scene in a stupendously boring club. To prove my point I’ll list a couple of unnecessary scenes;

1. That two minute call between Halima & Sebastian, too long & didn’t serve any real purpose. I mean, she coulda texted him.

2. That entire suya joint fuckery. Ugh, two WHOLE minutes of Halima buying suya + some random hoe getting disgraced for eating more than she could afford.

3. That godawful club scene. Cripes! How stupid. Sebastian takes Halima & her not-yet-eighteen brother to a club, dumps her for the same trick that couldn’t afford her suya, She goes off to the bathroom for a phone call scene that had no impact whatsoever, while her bro sits texting. Who the fuck texts at a club??? Then she comes back, is rude to Kazeem, then chats him up. Lawd! Why???

4. Did I mention the three second Burna Boy club cameo? No? Probably cuz it was as pointless as most of the show.

5. Did we really need to see the airport scene twice? Really??

Second, that whole Halima bonding with her half-brother scene. Dear Producers, I do not know where y’all are from, but here,in the NORMAL human world, it takes more than FIVE minutes to bond with a half-brother you’ve never met. It’s like one minute she’s asking him “Who are you?” in a condescending tone & the next minute they’re suya besties & she’s inviting him clubbing. I’ve had suya a jillion times, NEVER has it made me bond with an absolute stranger. So, nice try you guys, but NO, I’m not buying it.

Third, I just gotta point this out. That dude who lifts her luggage at the airport, watches her car at the club & gets chased by the police is in my opinion, the reason why this show is the mess that it is. TV pilots are supposed to introduce the characters & give us an idea of who they are. Who is this nigga??? And why did he take up a total seven minutes of the show? I’m starting to wonder who this show is truly about, Halima or this dude whose name I do NOT wanna know. If he’s in no way related to Halima, at some point he’s gonna have to quit showing up everywhere she goes. Y’all need to make up your minds & cut down on the crappy unnecessary scenes.

In all, this comes off as a terribly misguided ad campaign for Toni Tones (Halima), & not for her acting which I find a little interesting, or her yawn-inducing music, which was continually shoved down our throats the entire 34 minutes, but for her undeniably hot bod. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the centre of the show, I mean,it’s ALL the guys ever talk about.

Work on it, guys! Or shut this shit down for good.

And since we’re doing a tv post, I might as well list all the upcoming shows I’m crazy about. I’d list Nigerian shows, but we don’t ever get any teasers, trailers or info in advance, we just wake up one day to find the pilot episodes on blogs. Anyway, I think GIDI UP season two should be here soon, with that questionable upcoming DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES remake Ebony Life’s producing. Oh, & there’s that THE ISLAND shitshow that was supposed to premiere last year.

Now to the shows I’m actually excited for;
April 6 : Game Of Thrones season four!!! Oh Lawd!
April 15: Awkward season four! I love me some Sadie Saxton
April 19: Orphan Black season two! Its about clones, you guys, CLONES! & Tatiana Maslany is one of the best actresses I’ve ever seen.
April 20: Devious Maids season two! Everything we loved about Desperate Housewives & so much more.

And there’s also the maybe pregnant Damilola Adegbite & Ms. Croaky’s weddings to look forward to.

Ugh, can March be over already?

Nadia Buari Unimpressed By Jim Iyke’s Stunt Queen Moves

You guys, its time for us to talk about how hard Kim Iyke is aiming for his very own Fartrashian style empire. So, Kim proposed to Nadia this week & she said yes, but there are still discussions to be had about the authenticity of this totally not at all staged proposal.

First off, the whole reason Kim started this scripted reality show is to be more like his idols, the Fartrashians. I hate to admit it, but those tricks are the queens of reality tv, they basically reinvented that genre & made it profitable, so anyone else is copying them, that includes you Omotola.

Now, considering we’ve already heard reports from Kim’s ex-girlfriend, Kentura Hamilton on how every second of that shit show is staged, and that somehow the cameras were right around the corner to capture this, I don’t mean to point fingers, but I think its pretty obvious Kim is 100% ripping off the Fartrashians.

And for someone who supposedly just got engaged, Nadia doesn’t sound too excited about it. Her tweets below are a dead giveaway, reminding us that “Jim Iyke Unscripted is anything but real. The sad thing is looking at pictures of em together, I actually think she might really love him, & he’s just gonna ruin this with his quest for fame.

Way to go Kim, selling out your fiancée for a tv show. How very Fartrashian of you. What’s next? A televised wedding special? Cripes! Be more gross n unoriginal.